Essential Features For The Xbox One!

Designed to be “always on” and constantly running, the Xbox One and its accompanying Kinect Sensor could be the start of having HAL 9000 in your living room, well if Microsoft’s new console was voiced by Douglas Rain. Regardless we have a list of top 5 features that might change our minds about the Xbox One.

Parental Control

It became pretty evident that Mum and Dad had no indication of paying attention to the PEGI label when they picked up Call of Duty: Ghosts, it took a little convincing, a tantrum or two, but your unrelenting cries finally snapped the last rational nerve in papa’s brain and his last action before going comatose was to pick you up an 18 rated video game.

Eagerly you pop the game into the video console, get it registered to you live account and the only thing left to do is boot up the game, but what’s this?  A notification….

“Kinect has registered your facial features and vocal patterns, deeming you too young to play this video game!”  

Even better if it automatically pauses the game of your older brother every time you walk into the room, the fun to be had.

Kinect Bar One

Removal of destructive property initiative

It had been a pretty rough move, but everything was finally unpacked and I was ready to kick back with some Titanfall. So I set up the black beast (the tender cute name I gave my Xbox One) and hooked my phone up in order to satisfy the consoles constant urge to eat MB’s of internet.

Suddenly the lights in the room start flashing, a large error message appears on the TV screen and the angry face of Steve Ballmer. He’s impersonating the Wizard from the Oz movies, the entire stunt is an act, designed to distract me long enough for the Xbox to send a destructive electromagnetic wave into my Sony phone, frying the circuit boards.

TV, TV, TV, Sport, TV and Sport

The folks at Microsoft understand that gamers love multiplayer and the true fun is meeting and engaging with new people. Therefore they’ve implemented multiplayer lobbies for your favourite TV shows, movies and music channels, encouraging thoughtful discussion, communication and a sense of spirit never seem before whilst watching television.

If this degrades to people screaming that they’ve done unmentionable things with my mother, is in no way the responsibility of Microsoft.

Social Integration

We all love Facebook, but who has the time for it when you’ve just spent £420 on the Xbox One. Fear not since this next-gen console is dedicated to maintaining your social channels with the minimum of hassle.

Skived the day off work? Don’t worry the Xbox One has already uploaded several pictures of you gaming in your underwear, noting how long you’d spent playing the new Halo, your boss wrote quite a few comments, I think he was impressed.

Achievements for everything!

It’s worth 0 Gamerscore, but dropping your money on day one has definitely inflated your ego and that achievement proves your dedication to the Xbox platform and the first part of Microsoft’s achievements for every campaign.

Turned the console on, achievement unlocked, connected up for your daily check, achievement, did the deed in front of the Kinect sensor, that’s another worthless achievement to add to your digital portfolio, mother would be proud.

Achieve Unlocked

There you have it folks, a collection of features that ensure the survival of Xbox as a hardcore gaming platform. What do you want to see from the Xbox One, hit us up in the comment section below!


Written by: Kamara

Avid video gamer, freelance journalist, community manager and aspiring editor.

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